Thoughts, apparently, are not in our control. They come and go as they please. No one can do anything about it. It is similar to playing a collection of songs. We can not avoid the song we don’t want to listen to at the moment if it is a part of the collection. The most we can do is skip or change the current song. But sooner or later, that song will definitely repeat if we have the same playlist. Same is the case with thoughts. The most we can do is shift our focus from one thought to another for the moment. But, it will definitely come back to haunt our mind sooner or later.
It has been a while since I took some time out for myself. This, i.e., spending quality time with oneself once in a while is very important, and I am saying this purely from personal experience. Earlier, I had plenty of time to go back to the thoughts I once skipped. But nowadays, I don’t know how or why, time is flowing fast. Godspeed. It is strange but true though, that day by day nothing seems to change, but when we look back, everything is different. I have been experiencing this quite a lot these days. Probably because now I have started taking things a bit seriously, or if you look at it from my perspective, a bit lightly. It wasn’t like this a few weeks ago. But now, when I am giving it a thought, everything is different. And by everything, I obviously don’t literally mean everything. But yeah, most of it. I will get to what hasn’t changed soon.
Talking about what all has changed in the past few weeks, I am not really sure. I know I am different than I was earlier, and I also know that the change is definitely on the positive side. But to point out what exactly has changed, is a bit tough. But since I have two precious hours to spend alone as I am in a bus waiting for my destination to arrive, I might as well try and filter things out. Things which used to matter a lot once but don’t seem worth my time anymore. Things which I kept secret once but are now known to everyone. Things which kept me wondering whether I am good enough for them once but seem so insignificant now. Things which were a part of my routine once but seem so stupid now. Things which I wanted to own once but seem so irrelevant now. Things, of all sorts. And these things form our thoughts. I have learnt for a fact that my thoughts are simply a reflection of these things. Things I have achieved and the things I wish to achieve. Things I own and things I wish to own. Things I have been through and things I wish I never encounter. You see, everything, whether good or bad, is served to our mind as a thought. Thoughts don’t invoke memories, things associated with those thoughts do. It is not about what you think, it is about what happens behind the scenes. The entire incident comes back to us in an instant. Things materialize in front of our eyes. That is the real reason why thoughts affect us so much.
To pin-point a few things, now I don’t really care who remembers me or who doesn’t. I have learnt that no matter how much you try to keep in touch with everyone, it doesn’t work single handedly. So I did this little experiment. I stopped messaging people whom I used to be the first one to message everytime. And surprisingly enough, the response has been way better than I expected it to be. Everyone, well, almost everyone, initiated a conversation themselves. And that felt amazing. It feels really good to know that a few people actually care about me and obviously I care about them too. It goes both ways, you see. And to a handful of few who didn’t yet, well I hope they do so soon, because if they don’t, well, it’s their loss. This has changed. I have gained enough self-esteem or ego or self-confidence or whatever you want to call it that I no longer think it is my sole responsibility to satisfy everyone. I read this somewhere which sums up this point, “I am so busy loving the people who love me that I have no time to hate the people who hate me.”
I have also realized that I am on my own irrespective of the number of people who really care about me. No doubt they help as much as possible from their side, but at the end of the day, it all comes back to me. I am the one who is responsible for whatever happens in my life. If I mess something up, it’s my fault. Not anyone else’s. No more blame games from now on.
I can do all that I want for others, and it still will never be enough. Now this doesn’t mean I stop doing things for other people or stop helping them altogether. It means to maintain a balance such that I do things and at the same time they don’t take me for granted. I know all of this sounds very confusing, but trust me, once you go through something similar, it all makes sense.
“People come and people go. You only need to keep an eye out for those who make an effort to stay longer than others.” This was another post I came across recently. And this explains another interesting concept. I mean, I am in touch with a few people who became friends when I was a small kid, not counting my relatives of course. On the contrary, I have lost contact with people whom I met a year ago. So that’s what happens. It all depends on how we bond together, how much we expect from one another and how much we are willing to do for each other.
And lastly, I no longer care about any sort of competition. I have realized that everyone of us is unique and we do not need to fight for anything amongst ourselves. I have had this thought for a long time, but now I have started doing it practically. I feel happy when others succeed and I feel sad when they fail. But then, success and failure is a part and parcel of life. Let’s help each other to achieve what we are all aiming for, which I can bet is different for every individual, which simply goes to prove what I have been trying to say in this point. “Relax, we are all crazy. It’s not a competition. I hope we all make it.”
To finish it off, there is one thing which I am sure has become permanent and will never change hereafter. This is something everyone wishes for and I am really lucky to possess it. And that is, the wonderful group of people I have around me, friends and family alike. I mean, I am well past the mentality of thinking 10 times before saying anything to this bunch of people. I can be my own self and do not need to fake anything in front of them. I have accepted the way they are and they have accepted me the way I am, which is a rare combination in this cruel world. So yeah, I can say this without any second thought that this circle of people is permanent now. Permanent, in the sense that no one will leave it. As I keep meeting new people, of course, a few might be added to the list. But, no one is going to be removed. At least not from my end.
So that’s what. Things change. People do, too. But at the end of the day, it is all up to you and your karma. Keep in touch with the ones you think respect you and leave out on the ones who take you for granted. Keep doing small things for this tiny bunch of people. Keep surprising them. You don’t know what the future has in store for you. Do you?
Think for yourself.