The one whom I regret losing

I should have sent this long ago. That very day, actually, when we met, again. But then, I did not. Partly because I wanted to wait and see how things turn up this time around, and partly because there was a lot happening in my life all of a sudden, professionally.

I was enjoying the phase, you know, where I had a decent job and I had you. By my side. I felt very glad because I know this for a fact that not everyone is as lucky. Having money and the special someone to spend it with, is probably the best life can give. But then again, as a human, it is my tendency, like most others, to not appreciate things when I have them. I realised it very late that you were gone, just like that. And that, probably, is my fault.

I mean, obviously, it has to be my fault, right?
I could not keep up with the changes that were happening in my life all of a sudden. I could not keep my personal and professional life separate. I let my work come between us. And, to be honest, at times, I gave work preference over you. But, you need to understand that it was for our collective good. What will I do with all the money if not buy surprises for you and take you out on ‘adventures’?

I fell for you the day we first met, when you were late for our first ‘date’. I was thinking you might not show up at all, but then, you did. And that day, that conversation, that was it. I started liking you, not only for your looks, but more as a person. The way you looked at life, the perspective you had of things, left me in awe, to say the least.
I agree I might not have shared a lot, because I take time to open up, you know that.
Then, on the second date, I finally shared my way of looking at things, and with the kind of reaction you gave, it seemed as if you liked me as well. But, obviously, that wasn’t the case, right? Because if you did, you wouldn’t stop talking to me, right? Not the way you did. Never.

I am not trying to emotionally blackmail you or anything even close to that. I am just trying to get my bit of the closure. It’s been almost 6 months now, since we last talked. Yeah, I agree that we still see each other around at work and we look at each other and wave and smile. Hell, both of us even like all of each other’s pictures and statuses on all the social media platforms. But then, that is not how I wanted things to turn out, you know. I had a completely different picture in mind. Anyhow, now that you have decided to have things go this way, I just wanted to say, one last time, that I am still here. The only difference is that I am no longer ‘waiting’ for things to change. I have learnt it the hard way that if you don’t take a stand, things go way out of hand.

So, as I said, I am still here. And, no matter how much I pretend to sound stubborn, deep down, I still care. I hope you know that. That’s just who I am as a person and nothing in the world can ever change that. I might also say that I am ‘over you’ and have ‘moved on’, which is partially true, but then again, if one fine day, you decide to give ‘us’ yet another chance, well, you have my number.

The Hopeless Romantic